Christian and Ana's Post-Baby Anxiety
by 50-CG-AS-fan
Summary: After a complicated labor with Phoebe, Ana has to deal with her own insecurities while managing Christian's mounting anxiety. It's a bumpy emotional roller coaster but they both ride it out and learn to cope and communicate to become a stronger couple (with a few lemons of course). Follow-up story to "Phoebe's Dramatic Entrance." Feedback welcome. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: My take on E.L. James's baby timeline is a little different but true to her original characters. I imagine that it took longer for Christian and Ana to conceive (Phoebe was born seven years into their marriage). I always thought it was too quick and convenient to pop her out right after Teddy. In my version there was also a miscarriage in between, which I don't really explore (a little too personal of a subject and other people have done a better job with that storyline) but it's integral to my plot in that it increases Christian's anxiety. This is complete but there will be other chapters in this series that explore Ana's insecurities and related issues. Enjoy!_

The CEO who coolly ran a multibillion-dollar business that employed well over 100,000 people was essentially giving his wife the teenage equivalent of the stink eye as she struggled to finish her second egg at the breakfast bar. Ever since their daughter's dramatic entrance into the world, Christian had been eyeing Ana like a hawk for the last five weeks, watching her every move in between running after an overactive son and wailing newborn. He could easily run on three hours of sleep a night, but even Christian's ever-vigilant eyelids were beginning to droop trying to keep up with his expanding brood.

Meanwhile, Ana, true to form, was sympathetic to her husband's controlling tendencies, which went into overdrive after their labor scare when she needed two transfusions to stem a sudden bout of bleeding. But even she was ready to gouge his eyes out if he made one more snide remark about her eating habits.

"Something wrong with that last egg? You didn't seem to have a problem with the first one," he inquired coldly. _And there it was_ , she thought.

"I've had a banana, strawberries, kiwi, two pieces of toast and orange juice, along with that egg Christian," Ana reminded him, rattling off her breakfast menu to him as if he were the child in the family. "Even IHOP would be proud. Besides, my appetite just naturally goes up and down. You know that." She softened the blow with a sweet smile. It didn't work. He was still frowning. It was time to whip out the big guns, she thought, biting her lip.

His own lips quirked up in response. "Fine Mrs. Grey, but I expect you to eat a hearty lunch, especially since you're heading into the office today — which, may I remind you, I'm not exactly thrilled about. And don't roll your eyes. I'm not ready to spank you for it just yet," he added.

She giggled, looking forward to rolling her eyes soon. "How crazy is it that I'm the first one to go back into the office before my hotshot-CEO-hubby-turned-superdad?" she teased him.

"Well, you're a very important woman Mrs. Grey. Just as I knew you would be all those years ago," he winked at her. Christian could never resist an "I told you so" moment to gloat about buying SIP, now Grey Publishing. He knew she'd be a natural-born leader when he hoisted the company on her shortly after their marriage.

She mentally rolled her eyes, thinking about how hesitant she was to assume the CEO role after he'd gifted her SIP as a wedding present — a sweet if bizarrely extravagant wedding present. But she had to admit that seven years later, while she loved being a wife and mother, Ana also relished her job and was grateful their wealth afforded her the luxury of help at home.

"I'm glad one of us is so prescient — and insanely rich enough to buy whatever the hell he pleases," she replied, smirking. "Besides, I'm only making an appearance for two quick meetings. I'll be back in a few hours Christian."

"I don't like it," he grumbled petulantly, the teenage boy in him reappearing. He still hadn't broached the subject of the extra security that, unbeknownst to Ana, would be tagging along with her today. He'd help her get ready for work, butter her up a bit and then bring it up, he thought.

"You're exhausted, you're still slightly anemic after the postpartum hemorrhaging, you're not eating as much as when Teddy was born and you're breastfeeding Anastasia," the anxious husband pointed out. "And … you've been through a lot baby. I just want you to take it easy," he added, a serious expression marring his handsome face.

"I know Christian. We've both been through a lot. But it's over now, I'm fine and we have so much to show for it," she smiled, trying to lighten the mood. "And I haven't forgotten about the breastfeeding part. I'm going to feed Phoebe — can you get Teddy dressed and ready for school?"

"Of course. I'll go now. Try to wait for me so I can join you two later."

He kissed her and headed toward Ted's room. Ana marveled at his unwavering devotion to his family. She always knew Christian carried the parental gene, even if it was buried behind his domineering sexual deviant DNA, she giggled to herself. She made her way to Phoebe's nursery, still touched by Christian's fatherly instincts, which tempered her irritation at his incessant worrying. But after weeks of careful supervision and constant nagging, Ana knew it was time to have a sit-down with her husband about his fears. Best to butter him up first, she thought with a wicked grin.


	2. Chapter 2

Walking into Phoebe's nursery, decorated in a green-and-yellow jungle theme, Ana was immediately struck by the soothing smell of her newborn. "Ah better than the new car smell," Ana joked to herself.

She looked down at her and Christian's little creation in awe, stroking Phoebe's face as she gurgled in recognition of her mother. For now Phoebe resembled her, but Ana could see Christian's features beginning to take shape. She wondered if she'd wind up with two carbon copies of her husband on her hands.

Gingerly picking Phoebe up from her bassinet when she began to fuss, Ana rocked and cooed her over her shoulder as she wandered over to the master bedroom. Unclasping her nursing bra, Ana carefully settled herself in the bed to breastfeed Phoebe, enjoying their quiet bonding time.

It was always a welcome break from the fatigue that weighed on Ana this time around. After Teddy, she had plenty of energy, even though his birth had been so much more physically grueling. But Phoebe's lightening-quick delivery seemed to sap her strength, and she found herself needing as many naps as her newborn. The doctors said Ana was healing well and that each pregnancy was different, but the emotional toll of her postpartum hemorrhaging coupled with Christian's anxiety and the sheer effort of running after two children instead of one had left her spent.

As for her eating, her appetite was healthy — just not as ravenous as it was after Teddy's birth. She had shed a lot of her pregnancy weight, which she sure as hell wasn't complaining about, but her obsessive, megalomaniacal husband wasn't too happy about it and kept plying her with more and more food.

Ana had held her tongue every time Christian scolded her about not finishing every bite on her plate. They had just begun being intimate with each other again and she didn't want to spoil their reunion. In one week they'd have the green light to fully reconnect. But the thought of making love to her husband didn't elicit the usual physical reaction. Instead, her body stiffened as Ana's worries about her post-pregnancy body resurfaced.

"Sorry Pheebs," she said when Phoebe sensed her mom seize up.

Ana didn't have long to dwell on her insecurities. "How are my two favorite girls?" Christian asked as he walked in, his face beaming. Taking his favorite spot behind Ana while she breastfed, legs outstretched on either side of her as she leaned back onto his firm chest, Christian had the perfect view to admire his wife and baby girl during these special moments.

"So beautiful," he said reverentially, encircling his arms protectively around both of them.

"Feels like I did this just yesterday with Teddy. I can't believe he's started school already. Every day he's so anxious to get out of here," Ana said wistfully.

"I know," Christian simply said, a sad undercurrent to his reply.

"I'm proud of you."

"For what? Letting my son go to school?"

"Yes! Getting you off that home-school fantasy was no easy task," Ana said, remembering the fights they had when it was time to send Teddy to kindergarten. It was only when Christian personally upgraded the security system at the private academy they'd chosen — already one of the most secure in the country — that he relented and let his son go.

"Well, I gave up on that fantasy Mrs. Grey. Now the only fantasies I have involve you," he said, nuzzling her ear. "And in one week we'll be able to indulge in all of them again," he reminded her.

He thought he felt her tense slightly but then Ana turned her attention back to their daughter, still latched onto her breast. Her tiny belly full, Phoebe began dozing off. Ana was envious — she could go for a nap too — but it was time to get ready for work.


	3. Chapter 3

"Do you have a lot of work today?" Ana asked after she'd put Phoebe back in her room, resuming her position against Christian as he lay in bed checking emails on his phone.

"Some conference calls with the Asia team, so Mrs. Winston will be here most of the day while I'm in the study. It's time to ease her in full time anyway since we'll be going back to the office in a few weeks."

Nancy Winston — they'd snagged a national treasure. She was a super-nanny who'd come recommended by everyone in Seattle. Christian and Ana had managed to convince her to take on Phoebe as her last baby before retirement.

Ana was hesitant to go the nanny route but with two kids and two CEOs in the family, it wouldn't be fair to saddle Gail with the childcare responsibilities. Their loyal housekeeper still had a special place in Teddy and Phoebe's lives, of course, and always gave them a breather when they needed one. They'd even gotten Gail some part-time help in the form of the efficient Mrs. Liu.

"So silly — we have all these people to help me at home and I'm still so tired," Ana lamented, shaking her head.

"Baby, we're entitled to a little help. The only thing that's silly would be not taking advantage of our money to ask for it every now and then. _We_ raise our children. _We_ run our companies. And _you_ run a well-oiled household," he praised her, wrapping his arms tightly around her.

"It still feels so strange to interview applicants who are 30 years older than me," Ana mused.

"I noticed that when you were interviewing potential nannies you weeded out all the younger applicants. Afraid I'll run off with the pretty nanny like some narcissist celebrity Mrs. Grey?" Christian ribbed her, kissing her neck and making her shiver.

"No," Ana laughed. "I'll give you a little more credit than Jude Law. Besides, I never signed a prenup. That wouldn't be very bright of a savvy businessman like yourself," she reminded him, nestling closer to him as he chuckled. _As if he'd ever go anywhere._ "But you're partially right Mr. Grey — I did weed out the six-foot-tall blondes. That was just because I didn't want this house to resemble a Robert Palmer video like your office does," she quipped.

"Speaking of the office," Christian began in a sober tone, interrupting their moment of levity. "I've asked Taylor to join Sawyer so you'll have two CPOs when you go in today."


	4. Chapter 4

"Why?" Ana asked, surprised. "That's really not necessary Christian," she added dismissively.

"Yes it is Anastasia," he said, his reply cool and clipped.

Oh lordy, she thought, the full name has come out. Ana was starting to get testy about Christian's post-pregnancy over-protectiveness. He'd already essentially doubled their security. Teddy and Phoebe each had their own CPO, even though the only places Phoebe traveled to were her crib, playpen and high chair.

"I'm not taking any risks where you're concerned and your health is not back up to 100 percent yet. Taylor is the most trusted member of our team and I want him accompanying you for now Anastasia," Christian said, his voice getting louder as his hold on her slackened.

"Fine, then keep Sawyer here. There's no need for both of them to be twiddling their thumbs while I go in for a few hours. And stop calling me Anastasia," she snapped.

"No Anastasia," he shot back out of sheer spite. "You're being difficult and I'm not having this argument with you. You're taking both and that's the end of the discussion."

Ana sighed and rubbed her eyes in frustration. Instead of taking the bait, she decided to de-escalate things before they got ugly. "Christian," she began, shifting herself to face him as she gently stroked the stubble on his cheek, instantly calming him, though his breathing was still heavy.

"OK, I'll take both — for now. When I go back to the office full time though, I'd like to stick with Sawyer, just like I've been doing for years."

"Fine," he muttered back, still sullen.

"Christian, have you considered seeing Dr. Flynn?" she began tentatively. "I know you haven't had to in a while but he's still there for you, and maybe it might be helpful to talk to someone about our pregnancy ordeal. I know Phoebe's birth shook you up quite a bit."

"A bit, you think Ana?" he roared back, standing up and practically flinging her off of him. "Yes I'd say waiting to hear whether my wife and daughter were alive shook me up a bit. Don't be dense Ana."

"And don't insult me Christian," she yelled back. So much for Phoebe's nap, she thought.

"You insult me Anastasia by belittling what I endured and constantly questioning the security measures that I deem are necessary to protect my family. Why can't you just fucking accept them for once in your life?" he bellowed, exasperated and tugging at his hair.

"I'm a grown woman Christian and do know how to take care of myself. When will _you_ fucking accept that?"

"Cut the crap Ana," he interrupted, glaring at her. The anger he'd repressed for weeks was now boiling to the surface. He'd been helpless when Ana was in labor but he sure as hell was going to regain control and do everything he could to keep his family safe from now on.

"Why can't you just eat like I ask you to so you stay healthy? Why can't you take a God damn break from work, like I have? I'm the fucking billionaire in this relationship! I allowed you to work instead of staying at home to raise our children."

She arched her brow and he knew was treading on shaky ground, so he promptly switched gears. "That's not what I meant," he grumbled. "I just don't want you passing out from doing too much — does that make me an asshole husband? You're still recovering Ana. Let me take care of you. I want to. I swear, your sense of self-preservation has always been shot to shit," he screamed.

 _Quit being an ass Grey_ , he thought in the back of his mind. But Christian was on a roll and he couldn't help himself.

"Who knows — maybe we could've prevented all that fucking shit in the labor room if you'd done something differently and taken better care…" he quickly stopped himself, his rage dissipating when he saw the expression of disbelief on her face.

"You blame me for what happened?" Ana choked out, her bottom lip quibbling.

He was at her side in an instant. "No of course not. I'm sorry baby. That's not what I meant at all. Please forgive me," he begged as he reached out to stroke her cheeks, but she pulled out of his grasp.

"Go to hell Christian," she spit out as she ran to the bathroom, refusing to let him see her tears.

"Fuck!" Christian slammed the headboard with his fist before hanging his head down in shame. Shit, he hadn't meant to hurt her — he only wanted to keep her safe. But as usual he'd fucked that up and now her soft sobs were tearing his heart apart. Yelling he could handle; crying he couldn't.

He wanted to go in and comfort her but he didn't want to upset her any more than he already had. So instead he sat slumped on the bed, his head clasped in both of his hands, dejected and drained — wondering why the hell he couldn't get anything right.


	5. Chapter 5

Ana locked the door and took deep breaths to quell the dry heaves that were now wracking her body. How could he go there, especially after everything they'd gone through — years of trying for a second baby … and then the miscarriage.

It no longer consumed her every waking moment — the pain blunted by time, dulled but never completely gone. The suddenness of their loss had pulled the rug out from underneath their well-ordered lives, sending both of them into an emotional tailspin of shock, self-hatred and finally reluctant acceptance. She never knew it was so common. You never know until it happens and everyone comes out of the woodwork to share their story. She just assumed you got pregnant and that was it.

Christian and Ana eventually found a way to cope, together, but they each spent months blaming themselves for it, dissecting what they could've done differently until they made peace with the fact that, as Christian had so eloquently put it, bad shit just happens in life and it's nobody's fault. They grew closer as they quietly overcame their mutual grief. It forced them to realize that parenthood was an unpredictable gift that not everyone received — pregnancy no guarantee of a happy ending.

Which is why Ana refused to second-guess herself this time around. The doctors didn't have an explanation for why she hemorrhaged, confirming her belief that pregnancy was one of life's mysteries that couldn't always be controlled. Not surprisingly, her control-freak husband didn't share her belief.

"Asshole," she muttered to herself as she stepped into the shower, determined to forget their heated exchange and go to work.

But under the hot water, her anger melted away. She knew Christian hid his devastation after the miscarriage to care for her — his priority was helping her recover. Now, he was bearing his pain alone again. She couldn't imagine what those hours of not knowing were like for him. All he knew was that she was hemorrhaging and that the lives of his wife and daughter were in danger. All she knew was that everything was alright when she woke up, his soothing presence comforting her.

She sighed. It was like Ana had stages for Christian's outbursts — shock, anger, sadness, empathy and forgiveness. He never came from a bad place. Just a stupid one, she smirked. Maybe she should add humor to her list of stages, she thought.


	6. Chapter 6

When she came out clad in a towel, Ana ducked into the closet to throw on a dress for work. Christian, still frozen to his spot on the bed, quickly looked up only to be disappointed when she ran from him. She was going to shut me out, he thought grimly.

In a matter of moments though, she quietly padded over to the bed, sitting down and taking hold of his hand. Wary but hopeful, Christian gently rubbed her knuckles, looking at her for permission before leaning over to kiss her temple.

"Christian, I can't possibly imagine what you went through when I was in labor and you refuse to talk about it, which is your prerogative, but don't point the finger at me. I didn't exactly have a choice in the matter. I went through that trauma too, remember?"

"I'm so sorry. Of course I know you went through this too Ana. Your strength never fails to astound to me. And God the last thing I meant to imply was that you had anything to do with…"

"Shhhh. Let's not even go there. We're not going to do this blame game any more in our lives. I just can't do it ever again. Do you understand me Christian?"

"Yes I do. I swear I do," he pledged, his voice raspy. "Please baby, you know I think you're perfect. I could never think ill of you. It's me — all me. I just don't ever want anything to happen to you," his voice cracked.

"I know, I know," she said quietly, running her thumb across his bottom lip. He cradled her face and kissed her tenderly, savoring the taste of his wife and her capacity to forgive.

"Christ I love you so much Ana, so much," he breathed between their increasingly passionate kisses, angling her face so he could go deeper, stifling her whimpers.

She pulled back, resting her forehead against his as they struggled to catch their breaths.

"Then please Christian, you need to let up a little. The constant vigil at mealtime is too much. I'm eating — I would never do anything to endanger myself or our children. You just have to ease up on me," she looked up at him with pleading eyes.

"I know, I know Ana. I promise you I will. I don't want to smother you. I'll see Dr. Flynn," he relented, his voice achingly sad. At that moment, the six-foot-tall former Dom who ran half of Seattle resembled a broken little schoolboy.

"Christian you don't have to for my sake. You do whatever you have to do, and I'll be there to support you no matter what. I just don't want you to feel like you have to shoulder the burden alone all of the time."

"I'm going because I know I need to. And I'm not alone, ever, thanks to you. I have the love of my life and a son and daughter whom I'm grateful for every day. I can't thank you enough baby for my life," he whispered earnestly, his lips crashing down on hers to devour her.


	7. Chapter 7

He grabbed her body to hold her close to him and she didn't protest. "Christian," she moaned in between his frenzied, wet kisses. "I love you. I need you," she said, lifting his hand to her breast while unclasping her nursing bra.

He understood immediately. Ana was still a little uncomfortable with the idea of Christian breastfeeding — she viewed it as a social taboo, though he had no such qualms about it. He didn't particularly care for the taste of breast milk, but he craved the intimacy that the act itself represented. It was a nurturing connection he shared with his wife, one he could add to the pile of ways he could be close to her.

He ripped off his clothes in record time and covered her with his muscularly toned body, desperate for the reassurance of her forgiveness. "Ana," he groaned as his tongue slowly swept down her neck to her breasts. Removing the remnant of her bra, he tenderly massaged her swollen mound and began to suckle.

"Christian," she shrieked, electric currents pulsating through her body. His other hand snaked down her belly with ghostlike touches and began to rub her clit. Fuck, she was drenched, he thought. Seven more days, seven more days and he could bury himself inside of her again, he kept telling himself.

As he moved to the other breast, she glanced down and could see the stress that had been radiating off him fade away — a look of pure ecstasy washing over his face.

"Please," she begged, yanking on the back of his head. "Shhh baby. I'll take care of you. I've got you," he soothed.

She began to grind against his hand. Fuck he was about to explode and had to find some relief fast. He kissed her belly before making his way down to lick her and latch onto that tight little nub to push her over the edge. Shit she tasted good. He reached down to stroke his throbbing erection, unable to take it any more.

When Ana looked down to see Christian pleasuring both himself and herself she fell over the precipice. "Christian," she screamed as her body writhed uncontrollably, hanging onto his hair for dear life.

"Fuck Ana, let it go for me," he roared back, sucking and swallowing all he could while his own body jerked and convulsed relentlessly.

Finally sated, he let out a contented sigh as he crawled his way back up to kiss her. His hands framing either side of her face, he just looked down at his wife with wonder.

"Thank you baby. I love you, more than you could ever possibly know."

"Oh I think I have a pretty good idea Mr. Grey," she chuckled, kissing the tip of his nose. He laughed, flipping onto his back and curling her up against him.

"See, you were worried about my energy levels, but you'd be surprised by the amount of energy I have left over for you," she teased him, wanting to erase the memory of their gut-wrenching argument.

"Yes you're right — you definitely have more energy than I give you credit for. Now why don't you use some of that energy to finally get ready for work? And have a good day at the office dear," he said, giving her a light smack on the ass.

Ana just shook her head at the mercurial whipsaw in front of her. He put her through one hell of an emotional roller coaster, but it was a ride she never regretted taking.


	8. Chapter 8

They were each about to explode — her from repressed nerves, him from sexual tension. The six-week mark was nearly up, and Christian was more than ready to be intimate with his wife again, though he sensed Ana tense up after every lascivious and lewd suggestion he'd made telling her what he was planning for her once they got the go-ahead from Dr. Greene to make love again.

"What's wrong baby? Tell me, please," he urged when he felt her body stiffen in his arms after reminding her that there was only one day left in their coital countdown.

"Nothing. I just can't keep track of how many bottles I've pumped for Phoebe," she replied, rummaging through the freezer. "I thought pregnancy brain was supposed to go away after pregnancy but I guess I was wrong," she muttered, feeling like an idiot not for the baby bottles but for bottling up her feelings.

For a week now, she'd been holding back on her husband, too embarrassed to share her silly fears about having sex again. _Get a grip Ana — this man has practically lived inside you for the last seven years!_

Her refusal to open up was gnawing away at him. What the fuck was eating her, he wondered. It couldn't be insecurity about her post-pregnancy body, he reasoned. After Teddy's birth, she was needlessly worried about her C-section scar and her weight gain. But this time around, there was no scar and she'd lost most of the pregnancy pounds, much to Christian's dismay.

 _Is it me? Does she not want me any more?_

No, he reassured himself. They'd done anything and everything other than penetration in the last few weeks and she wasn't complaining.

 _So what the fuck is it?_

For her part, Ana was just as insatiable in the sack as her husband, but she couldn't get one niggling doubt out of her mind, no matter how hard she tried to shove it aside.

Instead of owning up to it, she reverted to her tried-and-true avoidance tactic: use the kids as a shield. Ana slipped out of Christian's grasp to play with Teddy, who was too busy with his trucks to pay attention to his canoodling parents.

"I'm going to have a quick workout with Bastille. I'll see you for dinner," he said, rubbing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. He wasn't sure if it was the lack of sex or lack of honesty from his wife, but he needed a punching bag to vent his frustrations.

Ana sighed, vowing to speak with Christian after dinner, only to pass out from fatigue after breastfeeding Phoebe.

After putting Teddy to bed, Christian was in his study, still wound up tight despite his punishing workout. Originally he had planned on breaking their six-week wait a day early and seducing Ana tonight. He had envisioned taking her by surprise pretty much on every surface of the house. But instead he found himself pacing the large room, adorned with family photos, as he agonized over why his wife was recoiling from him. That's it, he decided. _We're going to hash this out tonight. Fuck it, I'm fucking her tonight as well._

Barging into their bedroom, he found her tiny sleeping form curled up on the bed, snoring soundly. _Doesn't snore my ass,_ he thought as he nevertheless admired his wife, the moonlight illuminating her delicate features.

He exhaled and brought the baby monitor over to his side of the bed. She was exhausted so he'd deal with Phoebe's ritual 3 a.m. wake-up call. Shucking off his shirt and pants he crawled into bed and wrapped his arms around Ana, hugging her tightly as he kissed her hair. "I love you baby. So much. But we're fucking in the morning Mrs. Grey," he whispered in her ear, hoping she heard him in her dreams.


	9. Chapter 9

Ana woke up sweaty and practically suffocating under the weight of her husband, whose large limbs were draped over hers. The erection at her back was even larger. She wasn't ready to face that part of his anatomy just yet, so she kissed his hand and gingerly lifted his arms off her as she sneaked into the shower.

"Just man up and tell him what's going on," she berated herself as hot jets of water streamed down on her. Ana knew Christian loved everything about her. She'd known it even when she was making a fuss about her C-section scar and belly fat the last time this pang of self-doubt cropped up. But this time around, a seven-pound baby hadn't come out of her stomach — it came out from down there, where it's supposed to. And that was one area in particular Christian loved.

She rolled her eyes. He was always going on and on about how "tight" she was — he was barely able to be inside her for more than a minute without singing the praises of her "tightness." Hell, she was a damn virgin when she met him!

But what if she was different now? Ana read about how pregnancy changes women's bodies — makes them, well, looser. And Christian's appetite for sex was voracious — "just like me," she chuckled to herself.

Plus, women were still throwing themselves at her too-good-looking-for-his-own-good husband. She was no longer the tight virginal young girl who fell into his office. She was a grown woman who'd given birth, who was tired all the time and who still had hormones raging through her. She knew her doubts were ridiculous, but that didn't make them any less real.

As she stepped out of the shower and put a robe on, she was secretly grateful to hear Phoebe's wailing, providing her the cover she needed to avoid the topic for just a bit longer. She felt rested, which meant that Christian must've taken care of their newborn overnight. _Let him sleep._

Christian woke up reaching for the empty spot next to him. Groggily he lifted his head hoping to catch his wife in the shower but the bathroom was just as empty. So much for morning sex, he thought glumly.

He never liked not knowing where Ana was so he flung his legs out of the bed and went in search of his errant wife.

He found her in the kitchen, bopping vigorously up and down to calm Phoebe's loud shrieks, while Ted tugged on the bottom of her robe demanding that she help with his homework. How much homework can a first-grader have, Ana wondered to herself. All she remembered doing in first grade was coloring and running around outside.

She spotted Christian in the hallway, looking just as cranky as his daughter.

"She's been crying all morning. I didn't mean to wake you," she apologized. "I know you have to go into the office later today."

Christian softened as he saw her struggle to balance two young needy children. "It's OK. I got plenty of rest," he said, reaching for Phoebe. "I'll take her and you help with his calculus or whatever the hell that teacher assigned him," he grumbled.

Christian always did have the Midas touch with his daughter. "Thank you. You're the billionaire mergers and acquisitions math whiz, but I'll do my best," she said, pecking his cheek in appreciation. He automatically kissed her back and they both let out a deep breath. Their "discussion" would have to wait.

Once they settled into their morning routine and the kids calmed down, Christian — now donning a sharp black suit — also calmed down as he watched Ana make Ted's breakfast. _Maybe he was pushing her too fast and just needed to stop pressuring her? Maybe he was letting his imagination run wild again and she was just as eager as he was?_

Offering up an unspoken truce, he came up behind her and embraced her tightly. Nuzzling her ear, he chose to broach the subject head on.

"Baby, you know there's no rush, right?" he lied. "I'll wait as long as it takes until you're ready." Another lie. He was about to combust.

She interlaced her fingers with his, relishing his touch as she leaned back into his chest. Ana felt even stupider than ever. This man always gave her what she wanted. She also knew her husband was lying through is teeth. He _was_ in a rush — but so was she — so she wasn't going to deny either of them any longer. Well, just a bit longer. Ted was still wrapping up his last-minute homework at the breakfast table.

"I know you said you had an 11 a.m. meeting at the office, but if you don't have any plans for lunch, perhaps I could stop by?" Ana asked, turning to face Christian as she held onto his biceps. "Mrs. Winston was coming by anyway for the afternoon since I had some work to do. But it can wait," she winked.

His face lit up — office sex!

"That sounds perfect," he growled before lunging for her, pinning her body up against the refrigerator with a loud thud. In an instant, his hands were all over her as his mouth ravaged her, desperate for her taste. His panting was hard and heavy as he ground his erection into her belly. Fuck he wasn't sure he could hold out much longer.

She was just as hungry for him as she whimpered and tugged on his hair in an effort to pull him closer.

Finally aware of their surroundings, they reluctantly pulled apart, resting their foreheads together to catch their breaths. Ted, as usual, was oblivious to his parents' horny antics.

Ana escorted Christian to the door and gave him one more passionate kiss. "Have a good day at the office dear," she said, playfully swatting his ass, taking him by surprise.

"Oh it will be now," Christian promised her, a huge, relieved grin plastered on his face.


	10. Chapter 10

Ana didn't feel like dressing up, but she hated going into GEH in casual clothes — she was the CEO's wife after all. So she threw on a smart skirt — for easy access — and plain white blouse. Nothing fancy but the clothes were just going to be tossed into the corner anyway, she thought wryly, picturing her impatient husband clawing at them.

Hopefully he'll let her get a word in about her post-pregnancy concerns before he pounces on her, she smirked.

Ana kissed the top of Phoebe's head, gave Mrs. Winston a few final instructions and began to leave when the phone interrupted her.

"Hey Kate, I was just heading out to visit Christian at GEH. What's up?"

"A little office nookie eh?" Leave it to her best-friend-super-sleuth-reporter to hit the nail on the head.

"Kate your mind is always in the gutter," Ana laughed.

"Right there along with you," she shot back. "Am I wrong?"

Ana giggled. Kate was always a keen observer, especially when it came to bedroom matters.

"Hey aren't you at six weeks? Shit, you and Christian must just be getting back into the swing of things aren't you?"

Too keen. Ana wasn't in the mood to delve into the subject any further, so she dismissed Kate's unrelenting curiosity. "Sorry Kate I'm really running late…"

Undeterred, her sister-in-law pressed on. "Oh man I remember when Elliot and I started back up again after Ava. Rough going — everything felt different, you know? The shit babies do to your body that no one ever tells you about. We eventually got over it but he complained..."

"Kate," Ana interjected. "I'm really sorry but I've got to go. We still on for lunch on Saturday? Teddy misses Ava."

"Course. I was just calling to see if we could switch it to 1 o'clock."

"No problem," Ana replied. "You'll be late anyway. I'll see you then."

She hung up, her worries back in full force. Why the hell did Kate have to bring _that_ up? But Ana wouldn't let her well-meaning friend's nonsense deter her from her mission, so she walked out the door before her resolve could waver.

Ana strolled into the vast lobby of GEH, still overwhelmed by its sheer scale, and was grateful to see a friendly face in Calvin, the sweet security guard she had grown fond of. Ana wasn't sure why Christian kept him on — he was nearing 80 and didn't offer any actual security — but she suspected it was because Calvin enjoyed the job and deep down Christian was a sentimental softie. _No hearts and flowers my ass,_ she thought.

"Hello Mrs. Grey. Wonderful to see you. How are you?" he greeted her enthusiastically. He always made her feel at ease, like a caring grandfather. "How are the two little ones?"

"Tiring," she replied honestly. "But wonderful. I'm still getting used to having a newborn in the house again but I can't complain. How is Monica? Did she get the banana bread recipe I emailed her?"

"She certainly did and I have to compliment both you and my wife for making some of the best banana bread I've ever tasted."

"Glad to hear it. Tell her I still expect her to send me that secret barbeque recipe in return."

"I've been waiting 50 years for that one, so good luck," he joked as Ana headed toward the elevator, giving him a friendly wave.

She smiled to herself as she rode up the sleek elevator to the 20th floor. Calvin was a nice change of pace from the army of efficient blondes Christian usually employed.

Speaking of blondes, Ana didn't spy Andrea when she stepped into Christian's private lobby. Must be out to lunch, Ana assumed. That intern — Linda, Lydia, what was her name? — should probably be here though.

The fact that she wasn't manning her post didn't bode well for the newest intern's chances, Ana mused. She felt sorry for the girl who was sure to be another casualty or Christian's wrath. "Another ones bites the dust," she muttered.

Ana heard women's voices through the closed door and figured Christian's meeting was still under way, so she began wandering around as she waited for her husband to finish up.

She poked inside the newly built boardroom that jutted off the lobby area. Sparse, contemporary and stylish, like the rest of GEH, it boasted an expansive wall of one-way glass so that the occupants of the room could see the lobby outside but no one could see inside.

"Useless," Ana observed. "I'd sit here distracted watching the people outside the whole time instead of paying attention to the meeting."

In the adjacent room, the company's CEO sat in his enormous office, annoyed and anxious. Christian Grey was not a patient man and what little he had was wearing thin as he listened to the two women in front of him drone on about their burgeoning telecommunications software invention — all while desperately trying to get his attention.

Angelique, the well-dressed brunette, calculatingly undid the top buttons of her blouse to reveal her breasts, while Tiffany, the bouncy blonde, was just outright drooling. Subtlety was not her strong suit. Christian had to refrain from rolling his eyes. He feigned interest in what they were saying — their software was technologically impressive — but the entire time his eyes were transfixed on the array of photos that lined his walls. Ana smiling shyly. Ana looking off into the distance.

He drew circular patterns on the desk where he envisioned Ana sprawled out as he pounded into her mercilessly. No, the couch first — he wanted to look into her eyes as he made love to her. Then he'd fuck her into oblivion from behind on the desk, hands tied behind her back. He grinned mischievously, adjusting himself to hide the massive erection now straining his pants.

Angelique mistook his avoidance for attraction, hoping she was finally getting to the rakishly handsome billionaire. "So if you examine the stats, no comparable software on the market offers the same benefits for the cost," she said, rattling off her well-honed spiel while leaning over to offer him a generous view of her exposed cleavage. Tiffany just nodded vigorously in blind agreement.

"Yes I'll have my numbers man Mike go over everything in detail and get back to you next week," Christian replied curtly. He was accustomed to flirty women but they were a tiresome distraction that he didn't tolerate for very long. Ros was busy with her own projects, so he was going to pawn them off on his number-three man.

"If you excuse me now ladies, I have an important pending appointment," he said, ushering them out the door without a second glance back. _Fuck, where was Ana!_

Once outside, Angelique and Tiffany assessed their progress.

"I think I'm winning him over," the beautiful, cunning brunette told her dubious colleague.

"Maybe. If you don't mind me saying, though, he seemed pretty aloof and cold. He is married, remember? Seems absurdly devoted to his wife based on that shrine of pictures he's got in there."

"Please, that's all for appearance sake. Wives don't mean much to men like that," she corrected her naïve friend. "They certainly don't mean much to me and rarely get in my way. Just give me some time Tiffany," she said as they stepped onto the elevator, oblivious to the fact that the boardroom door was ajar and its occupant was none other than the wife of the object of their desire.

On the other side of the glass wall, Ana just heaved a deep sigh, her body drained. She hadn't meant to eavesdrop but found herself frozen when she overheard the two women plotting to seduce her husband. Angelique, Tiffany and the whole lot of them were a fact of life, and she never once doubted Christian's fidelity, but the episode was still an ugly reminder of the gorgeous competition Ana would forever face. And it came at a particularly inopportune time.

 _Great, now I've got to go in there and tell him I'm not the tight young thing I once was!_

She was beginning to lose her nerve and, quite frankly, her appetite for sex. Anxiousness had a bizarre, unintended side effect on the nursing mother. It made her lactate. Ana looked down at the milk seeping through her blouse.

" _Jesus, you've got to be kidding me! Now?"_

Fortunately, she carried a spare T-shirt in her purse for just such an occasion and quickly changed. But if she hadn't felt dowdy in comparison to Angelique and Tiffany before, she sure as hell did now.

She hedged for a moment, staring at Christian's door, before hightailing it out of there.


	11. Chapter 11

Ana nodded politely to Sawyer and got into the waiting car downstairs. She quickly texted her husband to let him know she wouldn't be coming, bracing herself for his reaction.

 _What to say though?_

She did legitimately need to stop by her office, so she figured that was as good an excuse as any other. It was more like a white lie, but Ana needed time to get her bearings in order — and her breast milk under control.

 **So sorry but I can't make it to lunch. Something came up at work and I have to go in. Don't be mad. I'll take a rain check and make it up to you later — I promise ;)**

The little smiley face did little to temper Christian's frayed nerves. Fuck! It was like an ice-cold bucket of water had just been poured down his pants — and it still hadn't done the trick.

He paced his office like a caged animal and was about to call his wife to command — no beg — her to come in but backed off. Maybe his incessant harping was starting to irritate her. Tonight, he told himself, he can make it to tonight. But as he sat down to text her back, he gave their lunchtime rendezvous one last college try.

 **Are you sure? Do you want me to come to you?**

Oh God no, Ana panicked. Sex in Christian's palatial, private office was one thing. Sex in her cramped, crowded office was quite another.

 **No I'm really swamped. Tonight please?**

He relented, literally banging his head against the desk.

 **Ok baby. I'll see you tonight. Be ready.**

She was greeted warmly by Hannah the minute she walked into Grey Publishing, her home away from home.

"Hi Ana! No Phoebe? When do we get to meet her?" her devoted assistant asked.

"Soon, I swear. This is just a quick visit to get some paperwork in order before I come back in two weeks. I'll bring her around then. How is everything here?"

Before Hannah could reply, a tall man with a wavy mop of black hair approached Ana, interrupting their conversation.

Stephen Blaine was a prolific author, and a smooth talker. He was attractive, no doubt. He knew it and thrived on it, preying on his looks to get ahead in his life and career.

"Ana what a wonderful coincidence," he beamed, pulling her in for an awkward hug, his exuberance practically knocking her over. _Whatever happened to good old-fashioned handshakes?_ "It's been far too long. How have you been? I heard you just had a daughter. Congratulations. My goodness, you look absolutely amazing."

"Thank you," she replied — for that completely inappropriate compliment, she thought to herself. "I've been good. I'm just here for a quick visit. Claire tells me the new book is coming along well," she said, motioning to Claire, who exchanged a knowing wink with her boss at Stephen's expense. All the ladies knew he was an incorrigible flirt.

"It is, it is. But I still need your output. When you're back full time how about we grab lunch to personally discuss it?"

"Sure that sounds good," she replied brusquely. Not going to happen, she thought as she gave Hannah a look that said, "Don't you dare schedule this."

"I'll see you later Stephen," she turned before he could kiss her on the cheek, leaving him hanging, literally, as Hannah and Claire snickered behind him.

Combing through the pile of papers on her desk, Ana shook her head in amusement at the suave but blatantly transparent author. "I suppose Christian is right. He's not the only one who has to deal with unwanted attention at work," she thought, feeling even sillier for running out of his office like a coward.

She resolved to make it up to him and make their reunion special, picturing the skimpy lingerie she would wear for him tonight.

Ana shot Christian another note reminding him that she loved him and that she couldn't wait to see him.

Her text mollified him somewhat, but Christian wasn't waiting until 5 to leave the office. He quickly made his way out of GEH early, eager to get home. He ignored the deferential nods and farewells his intimidated staff gave him as he barreled through the lobby, except for Calvin's. He always had a soft spot for the old man.

"Goodnight Calvin. Go home to your wife," he said.

"Goodnight Mr. Grey. And tell your wife it was nice seeing her today."

Christian stopped in his tracks. Ana hadn't been in the office for weeks. "What?" he asked, rounding on the kind security officer.

"Mrs. Grey. I spoke with her today before she went up to your office," he answered matter-of-factly, unaware of the implications of his revelation. Hiding his surprise behind his CEO mask of impassivity, Christian merely nodded and gave Calvin a terse goodbye.

"Taylor, was Ana here today?" he bellowed the minute he reached the car.

"Yes sir, for your lunch appointment. But Sawyer said she left early to go to Grey Publishing. We assumed she spoke with you," his trusted head of security told him, unsure of where this line of questioning was going.

"No she fucking didn't. I didn't see her. Let's go," Christian barked.

After calling Sawyer only to hear the same story, Christian sat in the backseat, seething with rage — and with a litany of questions. _Why the fuck had Ana lied to him? Why had she shown up and not even told him?_

"What time did Mrs. Grey arrive?" Christian abruptly asked.

"Approximately noon," Taylor replied stoically.

Right when my meeting was ending, Christian thought. _Did those bitches say something to her? And where the hell was that new intern, Lydia, Linda, Lindsey?_ Whatever her name was, she would be fired tomorrow.

He doubted even Angelique and Tiffany would be dumb enough to blow a multimillion-dollar deal by disparaging his wife, so he moved onto his next theory. _Was there something going on at her office that she didn't want me to know about? Was it more important?_

He called Hannah demanding that she email him Grey Publishing's schedule for the day. When he scoured the appointment log, he noticed the noon booking: Stephen Blaine. _What the fuck!_ That pretentious sack of shit has been trying to get into Ana's panties for two years now. Christian had given her grief every time she met with him until he finally wore her down and she agreed to hand over all of his manuscripts to Claire.

Jumping to all the wrong conclusions, Christian ordered Taylor to step on it as he raced home to confront his evasive wife.


	12. Chapter 12

Gail was cooking dinner while Ana and Teddy were playing peek-a-boo with Phoebe. Ana lit up when she saw Christian storm into the living room, but her face fell when she noticed his disheveled hair and the furious scowl he wore.

"Gail please take a break from preparing dinner and look after Teddy and Phoebe. Anastasia I want to speak with you in private — now," he commanded gruffly, brooking no dissent.

Ana gave Gail a sympathetic smile and meekly followed Christian to their bedroom, feeling like an errant schoolgirl.

Once inside, he slammed the door shut as he stood over her, fuming. He tried to reign in his rising anger — but was failing miserably.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me you came by the office today? Why did you change your mind and run to your office instead — and then lie to me about it?"

"Christian," Ana began to explain before he promptly cut her off.

"Was it because that fucker _Blaine_ was there?" he yelled, the name oozing with barely concealed disgust. "Did you change your mind about seeing me because you found out _he'd_ be in the office? Is that why you went over there? To meet him?"

Ana just stared at Christian in wide-eyed confusion. She was too stunned by the sheer absurdity of his accusation and the venom in his voice to formulate a response.

"Answer me damn it!" he roared.

"Ah no," she stammered out, grasping for words. "Not at all. I…"

"Don't fucking lie to me Ana," he warned, his voice low and menacing. "Is there something I don't know that you want to tell me?" He was livid now, finally voicing the unspoken fears that had always simmered beneath his cool exterior.

"What?" she sputtered out, still in shock. "Of course not. That's ridiculous. I. No. I. What the hell are you implying…"

"For fuck's sake spit it out Anastasia! Why did you go to your office? What are you hiding? Start talking," he demanded.

Christian wasn't letting her get a word in edgewise — ironic considering that his intention was to force her to open up and talk to him. So he finally quieted his vicious temper tantrum long enough to let her speak.

"Because I had things to take care of. Hell, I didn't even know Stephen would be there! How dare you insinuate something like that Christian Grey," she chastised him. "I went to your office. I saw those two women and figured you were busy and left. It was no big conspiracy. It's just that…"

Christian seized on her admission to cut her off again, letting his baseless assumptions fuel his rage.

"Is that what this is all about? Those two cunts?" She cringed at his derisive tone. "Did you think you saw something suspicious in my office? For fuck's sake, they make my skin crawl. I'm not even going to deal with them any more — I've already pawned them off on Mike."

Ana just stood there, dumbfounded. "Christian, I would never expect you to stop working with anyone…" she began, only to be silenced again.

"I don't care what you expect Anastasia. I do it because I'd never jeopardize what we have for even the mere appearance of impropriety. I don't tolerate predatory women who hit on married men. You know that. But I'm so sick of these idiotic insecurities of yours. Christ Ana, I'm not going to pander to them each time a woman comes onto me. We've been over this a million times. You're acting silly and irrational."

"Said the man who just accused me of having an affair because I stopped into my office and an author dared to speak to me," she screamed, incredulous at his double standard.

It was like she'd been slapped in the face. But it was his dismissive attitude toward her fears, not his unfounded paranoia about Stephen, that really stung. How could she ever confide in him now, knowing his true feelings — knowing that he was fed up with coddling her?

"As for my 'silly' insecurities, don't you worry about them," she choked out, her bottom lip trembling. "I won't ever bother you with them again!"

She marched toward the door but he rushed to stop her, his six-foot frame towering over her as he spun her around.

"Wait Ana. That's not what I want. That's the exact opposite of what I want! Can't you see that?"

"No, all I see is someone who's tired of me. Who leaps to asinine conclusions and doesn't give a shit about what's really going on or how I actually feel. Your little performance back there made that abundantly clear. How can I trust you again knowing that you're sick of 'pandering' to me?"

He regretted his harsh words more than ever, the magnitude of what he'd said sinking in. Ana would retreat even further now, closing him off.

"Ana I could never be sick of you. All I want is for you to talk to me," he pleaded, the fight leaving him as it boiled inside of her.

"Well right now that's the last thing I want," she spit out, opening the door and wrenching her arm free. "All I want is for you to leave me alone before you blurt out one more nasty accusation. Now let me go," she demanded, finally finding her voice.

Christian did just that, defeated, as panic churned in the pit of his gut. He had accused her of being unfaithful. He had belittled her for her insecurities. And now she was going to clam up even more. Fuck! How did this go so wrong? He originally had the upper hand in this tug of war of theirs, but he blew it by giving in to his own silly insecurities.

Downstairs, they mechanically went through the motions at dinner, careful not to bump into each other or upset Teddy. Christian's every movement was contrite as he tried to give his visibly shaken wife some space. But he couldn't tear his eyes away from Ana as she ate dinner and spoke with Ted about his day, all while she tried to avert his piercing gaze. She deflected every benign question he asked of her, focusing instead on Teddy or the unpalatable food in front of her. She was cold, devoid of emotion, and his stomach twisted in remorse. The silent treatment was the worst kind of punishment she could give him.

In reality, Ana was just hurt and more afraid to speak up than ever. Maybe if she had just confessed her feelings like she should have in the beginning, none of this would've gotten so blown out of proportion. But now a wall had built up between them, and Ana was reluctant to let Christian back in. _What if he mocks me once I tell him what this was all about? Dismisses me? Pretends to care when he really doesn't?_ A tear escaped Ana's eye but she wiped it before Christian could notice. He did see it, however, and it ripped his heart out.


	13. Chapter 13

After dinner, Ana was on homework duty while Christian went to give Phoebe a bath.

His enormous hands cradled the newborn's tiny head as he carefully washed Phoebe in the baby tub he had specially made for her. He was enjoying this slice of serenity with his daughter after an otherwise turbulent day.

"I love you my beautiful baby girl," Christian said, gently kissing her forehead. "I promise I'll protect you with everything that I am, but I won't push you away like I do Mommy," he whispered, his voice achingly sad and lonely.

Like she always did, Ana was quietly watching the scene unfold from the doorway, guilt and anguish gnawing away at her. She retreated to the nursery not wanting to interrupt Christian's private moment with his daughter. Christian was out of line with his explosive rant, but she had started this argument by not communicating with him. So she decided that she would be the one to end it.

When he rejoined Ana, Christian passed the meticulously cleaned, lavender-smelling baby into his wife's arms so she could feed her. "I'll leave you two alone," he said, shoulders slouched.

Ana wasn't entirely comfortable with Christian watching her breastfeed after their intense fight, but she knew this bonding time was a highlight of his day and she wasn't going to deny him that.

"You don't have to go. You're welcome to stay if you want," she offered as a concession.

His ears perked up and he sheepishly sat next to them, grateful for his wife's peace offering. Ana rested her head on Christian's shoulder as Phoebe latched onto her breast.

Encouraged by her small gesture, Christian silently kissed his wife's temple as he reached over to stroke Phoebe's head, inhaling both the new baby smell and Ana's hair.

After they'd put Phoebe down for the night, however, Christian still seemed unsure of himself, not to mention ashamed of his earlier outburst. So Ana shyly took his hand and led him to their bedroom.

Feeling emboldened, Christian lifted her up into his arms as soon as they walked through the doors, burying his face in her neck in apology. He couldn't take the distance between them any longer.

"Baby I'm so sorry," he exhaled, clinging to her. "I had no right to attack you like that. No fucking right. I trust you … I trust you with my life."

"And I trust you," she croaked out, unable to control the flood of tears that escaped her. "I love you Christian. I never meant for any of this to happen. I'm sorry," she sobbed into his chest.

"Shhh baby, please don't cry. You've cried a lifetime's worth of tears for me. Please no more," he soothed as kissed her brow, cheeks and tip of her nose. "I just want you to let me in, to be honest with me Ana. That's all I've ever wanted from you from the very beginning. Well, not _all_ I wanted," he winked suggestively, hoping to diffuse some of the tension. Her lips quirked up.

"I know. You didn't exactly have the most honorable of intentions when we met Mr. Grey," she smiled back weakly, the barriers they'd erected between them slowly crumbling. His lips moved to tenderly kiss hers, tasting her salty tears.

"That's in fact what this was all about," she began. It was time to come clean.

He set her back down on her feet but didn't let her go as his hands smoothed the wayward curls of hair out of her face. Christian looked at her expectantly, willing her to continue.

"I was worried, about being with you again," she said. Ana was always so much more reticent to talk about the mechanics of sex than Christian was. "My fears _were_ silly, so I was reluctant to even bother you with them. And then before I knew it, everything just snowballed."

She sighed. Christian wasn't going to interrupt her this time.

"I know there's no scar like there was with Teddy. But this time around was different," she tried to explain. _Stop beating around the bush!_

"Phoebe was a natural delivery. She was a seven-pound baby who came out of me, who stretched me. What if things are different … down there?" Ana's cheeks burned in a bright shade of beet red.

Christian stared at her incredulously, running his hand through his hair. " _That's_ what this is all about? That's what's been bothering you? Oh thank God," he exhaled. "I was having a heart attack here imagining the worst. For fuck's sake I thought you were cheating on me!"

She gave him the stink eye.

"Sorry, sorry. That was wrong of me. You know I'm a paranoid prick when it comes to you Ana. But this — I can deal with this. Thank Christ," he said, erupting in a deep-throated laugh as waves of relief poured off of him.

It was her turn to look at him in disbelief. "Um, well yeah," she stuttered out, fidgeting with her fingers. She wasn't sure if his response was good or bad, dismissive or supportive.

"Baby no that's not what I meant. I wasn't trying to dismiss you," he quickly reassured her, reading her mind as usual. "It's just that, well, that's nothing for you to be concerned about. I'll always love you and your body no matter what. Believe me, at this point, I'm sure as fuck not going to notice a damn thing anyway." _I just want to be buried deep inside you already!_

"I suppose, but eventually at some point…" she said, struggling to verbalize her inner turmoil. "I was a virgin when we met Christian. Now I'm getting older. My body's been through so much, and you always talk about me being 'tight.' I don't know, it just got to me. I couldn't get it out of my head no matter how hard I tried."

"Baby I love every part of you, because it's you." He paused, trying to verbalize his own emotions. "Remember years ago, when I said you were the most gorgeous woman I'd ever laid eyes on, and you told me that I saw you in a certain way because I loved you? I didn't understand it at the time, but you said love colored my perception of you. That I saw your exterior appearance through my internal prism."

"I suppose that's true," he continued. "That's not to say you're still not the most beautiful woman in the world to me. You are and you've never realized your own beauty. But the way I see you _is_ shaped by how I feel about you, because you were made for me, because we're made for each other. Fuck I'm not explaining this very well."

Her eyes welled with tears, but happy ones this time. "You're explaining it perfectly," she gasped, struck by his poetic words.

Ana reached out to tenderly stroke Christian's jaw, the coarse stubble scratching her fingers as she pulled his face down for a searing kiss — all of her self-doubt evaporating with the touch of his lips.


	14. Chapter 14

Christian forcefully angled her head to him as his lips melded with hers, stifling her high-pitched whimpers with his low grunts. She tasted like heaven. Their frenzied hands and mouths couldn't get enough of each other. "Ana," he moaned, bunching up her skirt and tearing her panties to shreds. Christian squeezed and grabbed a handful of her ass, lifting her up with practiced ease as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

Ana ignored the hard wall he'd banged her up against. The pain was a welcome reminder of his want, of his lust for her. One arm holding her up, Christian snaked his other hand up to roughly knead her soft breasts before ripping her shirt off. She tore at the buttons on his before tossing the shirt onto the floor.

He ground his throbbing erection into her core, causing her to cry out. "Please Christian, please. I can't wait," Ana begged. It was almost physically painful to not have him inside of her.

He carried her to the bed and was on top of her in an instant, blanketing her with his body and never breaking their voracious kiss while he fumbled with his belt.

Once free he slammed into her without preamble, her wetness easing the way.

"Oh Christ Ana," he groaned, feeling her silken walls clench around him. He stilled, too overcome with ecstasy to move. It had been so long. The feeling was indescribable. He was finally home.

"Fuck," he growled, his eyes closed, before slowly sliding in and out her, filling her to the brim.

"Oh God Christian, I need you so much," she pleaded, clutching the muscles of his sweat-soaked back.

"I'm right here baby. Look at me," he demanded as he grabbed her face. Buried to the hilt, he stilled inside of her again and just stared at her, his forehead resting against hers.

"I love you, you know that right?" He was shaking so badly he could barely speak, overwhelmed by their shared connection.

"Yes Christian. I know," she sobbed, holding the back of his head as her eyes penetrated his. "I love you too. I always will, no matter what," her voice cracked.

Her walls began tightening around him and she could feel him swelling inside her, without any movement. They didn't need any. "Now Ana, shit now," he commanded, about to detonate.

She screamed incoherently as the most intense orgasm she'd ever experienced gripped her.

"Fuck! Fuck," he roared as she milked him for all he had, weeks of worry and pent-up frustration rolling off both of them.

He just lay on top of her, his face in the crook of her neck as she gently stroked his back, both of them trying to catch their breaths.

"Sweet Jesus Ana," he muttered, climbing back up to kiss her deeply. "Still worried?" he smirked, his lips crashing down on hers before she could reply with a smart-ass comment of her own.

Still lodged deep inside her, he began to thrust languidly as their tongues devoured each other, her wetness coating him. Before Christian knew it, he grew hard as a rock again, taking Ana by surprise.

He clawed at her bra so he could feel her naked breasts beneath his palms as he pinched her nipples. With her skirt still bunched up around her waist, he swung her leg over his shoulder and began to ram into her mercilessly, hitting her womb.

"Yes Christian, more, harder," Ana urged, throwing her head back, desperate to feel every blessed inch of him.

He readily complied, slamming into her with all the bruising force he could muster.

"Again Ana. Come for me again," he demanded hoarsely, every muscle in his body strained and flexed as he pounded into her.

Her body obeyed, violently seizing in pleasure, while Christian let out an almost mournful sob as yet another all-consuming orgasm tore through him.

Spent and drenched in sweat, he collapsed on top of her, eventually lifting his head to gaze at his equally spent and sweaty wife.

"That was an unexpected treat," she teased him, her voice raspy from screaming. _Thank goodness we had the bedroom soundproofed._

"What can I say? I had a lot of lost time to make up for," he grinned back at her, all the tension from earlier vanishing from his face. "I still plan on making up for even more time later tonight. So no impromptu visits to the office tomorrow. I plan on making you sore as fuck Mrs. Grey."

"Yes sir," she smiled, knowing her husband would always keep his word.


End file.
